“When I made arousalnot orgasmthe focus, sex became much more satisfying.” “I’ve always had problems with sex. I’ve felt self-conscious and had pain near the opening of my vagina . With pelvic-floor therapy it got better, and I have a dildo-like thing that I’m supposed to use every day to keep the area stretched. I’ve been with my husband for 21 years, but I sometimes feel like we’re beginners. I don’t come during sex, so I’ll use my vibrator to have an orgasm. When we don’t have sex, I feel like I should want it all the time. That’s why I took the challenge. Hopefully sex would become a more casual thing. We didn’t end up having sex every single day, but rather an average of every other day, which is still more than our usual once a week or less. One day we had about 40 minutes to kill, and I said, ‘Let’s go upstairs.’ My favorite part was on the first day, which was a Saturday. We looked at a porn site and got some tips, and put them to use, which was really arousing. I came once during the month. It was a small orgasm. While I do feel I’m missing out, when I made arousalnot orgasmthe focus, sex became much more satisfying.” Ruth W.,* 59 Shutterstock
“Scheduling sex, as unromantic as that is, turned out to be a real benefit.” “My husband and I live and work together, so our sex life became a bit business like. It’s hard to turn work off at the end of the day when your spouse is also your business partner. I wish we took more time to be romantic about it. And while the sex we have is great, there just isn’t enough of it. Scheduling it in, as unromantic as that is, turned out to be a real benefit. Anthony said that knowing we’d have sex every night eased a lot of anxiety he would normally feel while wondering whether he was going to get lucky later. Having sex every day also helped us bond in a more romantic ‘couple-y’ way.
A few times I was exhausted and sort of dreading it, but as soon as we got started, all was good. It gave our relationship a new vibe for sure. We were much more playful and romantic during the day, knowing that we were going to have sex at some point. We talked about sex almost every day and learned more about each other’s needs and wants.” Cordelia S., 44 Cordelia S.
“By day two my husband was already making excuses.” “My husband and I have been married for 30 years. We’re both competitive athletes, racing several times per summer and keeping fit with weight lifting, running, and biking. We ‘knock boots’ about once or twice a week, with a good week being a three-timer. So when this challenge came up, I thought I’d be in heaven. I knew it wouldn’t be a long, drawn-out session each night, and even hoped that some nights would be some teenage making out, or that I would take care of him or he would take care of me.
On day one we had a quickie before work. On day two my husband was already making excuses and saying that it takes him a day to reload. As I pushed for days three and four, he started feeling pressure to perform, and I knew I’d lost him. I begged him to just take care of my needs a few times, and he was reluctant to do even that. During the month, we also took our yearly vacation with our four adult children. With six adults crammed into two hotel rooms, and as creative as I could be about mommy and daddy sharing the bathroom, my husband was just too nervous that the kids would hear us.
For the balance of the month, I never mentioned the challenge again for fear that the pressure would send him running. So we continued our usual routine of two, sometimes three times per week. I was quite disappointed, because I’m always in the mood and get tired of taking care of things myself. My sadness stems from the fact that he didn’t take this challenge seriously, and because all of the fantasies I had about things finally being more reciprocal in the bedroom soon vanished.” Stacey G.,* 52 Shutterstock
“We became much kinder and more tender on a daily basis.” “Nick and I have always had a pretty active sex life, but we were slowing down to a few times a week. This challenge seemed like a great way to try to get back to a daily practice. And it was: By the end of the month we were back to having sex multiple times a day. Nick and I also work out together we do Crossfit three to five times a week in the a.m. Getting stronger and fitter together totally boosts the libido
. When we both look good and feel good in our bodies, there’s lots of fun to be had. This exercise really got us back to a honeymoon-ish kind of place. In fact, last Friday night we took a last-minute drive to Santa Cruz to camp by the beach and get away. My favorite side effect of all the sex is how much kinder and more tender we are on a daily basis. After work when we’re relaxing, we’re more affectionate. We’ll sit and watch movies while giving each other foot rubs. We’re getting better at prioritizing usour relationship is higher on the list.” Adesina C., 37 *Names have been changed Adesina S.
