Single Mother Claims She Has All Qualities To Marry Herself, Reveals Why She Doesn’t Need Another Person In Her Life

A 58-year-old woman who felt “undatable” because of her borderline personality disorder now plans to marry herself after realising she already possesses all the qualities she seeks in a partner including an “amazing sex life”.

Lydia York, a freelance writer from Wheaton, Maryland, US, was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) – a disorder of mood and how a person interacts with others – in 2021 and said it explained why she was finding dating so difficult.

In romantic relationships, she often found herself getting easily upset and feared being abandoned – and on top of this, she has anxiety and, therefore, struggles going to social settings to meet potential matches.But she believes her BPD diagnosis made her “more self-accepting” and she began to realise she has all the qualities she looks for in a partner, such as being trustworthy, loyal and intelligent.

At the start of 2024, she received countless emails about weddings, mistakenly addressed to her after someone with the same name used her email at a wedding fair – and she saw this as a sign and decided to start planning a solo wedding.

Lydia, a mother to two grown-up children whom she does not wish to name, is hoping to have a “traditional ceremony, just without a groom” and believes she should not have to miss out on her dream wedding just because she has not found a partner.

“I feel so much more at ease and more confident knowing that I’m not going to be looking for a partner and it completely takes that stress away,”

Lydia told PA Real Life.“I have everything I want in a partner, and I’ve always wanted to get married, so why should I deprive myself of a wedding day?“I’m going to get myself a big fat diamond ring and I want it to be a family heirloom that can be passed down – to me, this is not a joke, it is very serious.“I want my children to be able to explain to their kids that I made this commitment to myself in later life.“I have written the vows in my head – you’ve been so strong, you’ve helped me when I’m down, you’ve helped me up.”

In 2021, Lydia was diagnosed with BPD by her therapist, which she said made “total sense”, especially when looking back on her previous romantic relationships.She thinks that, because of her BPD, she is more likely to get upset, it takes her longer to “get over a disagreement”, and it is the reason why she has a “fear of abandonment”.

On top of this, Lydia finds dating difficult because she has anxiety, especially when going to crowded places such as bars, and she described herself as very introverted.To try to work around this, she began online dating in 2022 but she was “rejected” after telling someone about her BPD.

She said: “He hung up on me I think because of the stigma with people with BPD – people think we’re undatable and they just assume we’re crazy.”Lydia then began to get “very disappointed and frustrated” that she had not found her perfect match, and at the beginning of 2024, she came across the idea of self-marriage by accident.

Out of the blue, she was inundated with emails about engagement rings, flower arrangements and wedding dresses.Confused, she contacted the businesses, and it turned out someone with the same name as her had written down her email address by accident when at a wedding fair.Lydia, who has never been married, saw this as a sign and began looking into self-marriage.

“At this age, I know what it takes to maintain a relationship,” Lydia said.“My parents were married for 50 years, so I know what a long-term relationship looks like, feels like, and should be like, and I know it takes time to develop.“I feel like I’m not willing to invest that much time and energy into someone else now, especially when I know I already have all of the qualities that I’m looking for in a person.“I’m trustworthy, I’m reliable, I’m loyal. I’m intelligent, I have moral values.”

Lydia also believes that, just because she has not met a partner, she should not have to miss out on having a wedding.

She added: “I’ve always wanted to get married, I deserve it.“I’m going to be there for myself when I’m sick and unwell, I’m loyal and super-dedicated.”

Lydia has not proposed to herself, as she said the idea of this “seems comical”, but she believes she is going through the “same thought process” as someone who is planning on proposing, such as questioning if she is ready and if it is the right time.Lydia is yet to tell anyone of her plans of marrying herself – the first time any of her loved ones will find out is when reading this article.

“I feel like I’m scared of their reaction – that’s another aspect of having borderline personality disorder, we’re really sensitive,”

Lydia said.“I’m scared if someone says to me, ‘it’s stupid, it’s a waste of money’ – I don’t want to hear that.“I want it to be a happy, fun, positive event and I don’t want other people raining on my parade.”

Lydia is currently in the early planning stages of her wedding and, so far, she has decided on a pink, gold and white colour scheme, has roughly written vows, and hopes to buy herself a diamond ring.She is also looking for a wedding planner that specialises in solo weddings because, when she has spoken to standard wedding planners, she said they seemed “very confused” or have “never heard of self-marriage before”.

She said: “I think I’m going through the thoughts normal brides have – ‘should it be big? Should it be small? Should it be fancy? Should there be seating arrangements? Should I have an open bar?’

“I think I’ll be having quite a traditional wedding day, just without the groom!“I’d love to incorporate jumping the broom – it’s an African American tradition where the bride and groom jump over an actual broom to signify the start of their marriage.”

When Lydia ties the knot, she hopes her relationship with herself, especially in terms of intimacy, stays the same.“I already have a really healthy sex life with myself, and I don’t expect that to change when I get married,” she said.

“In fact, I expect everything to get better to be honest.“I’m not missing anything by not having sex with other people – I totally provide for myself now.”Looking to the future, she added: “I’m so excited to marry myself and I think it will improve my self-esteem.“I feel so much more self-assured, I can’t wait.”