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You’ve asked, dropped hints, and even begged, but he’s just not listening. Here’s a theory that might work:
The Black Cat Girlfriend
The “Black Cat Girlfriend” theory, popularised on TikTok, describes a girlfriend who embodies traits of independence and aloofness.
She doesn’t chase; she lets him pursue her. Like a typical black cat—independent, mysterious, and content alone—this girlfriend keeps him intrigued.
According to the theory, women should act like black cats, while men take on the role of golden retrievers: loyal pursuers.
If you want your boyfriend to do the things you like, you may need to be the “black cat” and let him become the “golden retriever.”
Black cat-golden retriever pairs often succeed because they illustrate the idea that opposites attract.
This is grounded in the Theory of Complementarity, which suggests that one person’s traits can enhance or complement those of another.
1. Avoid arguing and nagging
This can be tough, but constant nagging often pushes him further away. If he behaves in ways you don’t like, tell him once.
If he doesn’t listen, avoid situations where he’ll likely repeat those actions. Set your boundaries.
2. Be independent
Don’t act like you need him and he’ll start needing you more.
Instead of begging him to spend time with you, plan vacations with your girlfriends, go out on solo dates, and enjoy your own life. When he sees you having fun without him, he may feel left out and want to join.
3. Don’t share every secret
The saying “familiarity breeds contempt” has some truth. While it’s great to share, leaving a bit of mystery keeps things intriguing.
Don’t reveal everything about yourself; let him wonder a little about who you are and when he asks, don’t divulge everything.
4. Love yourself
If you want flowers, buy them for yourself. If you like scented candles, treat yourself. Show him how well you treat yourself, and he’ll learn to follow your lead.
If, after a while, he still shows no interest in treating you well despite having the means, he might not be the one for you.
These are just a few attributes of the black cat approach. If a man truly loves you, he will pursue you. But if you appear desperate and needy, you may risk driving him away.
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